Apr 21

Still plotting

Soooo.
I am still not sure how Leda will end, btw, it’s just called Leda now. I had all day to work on it but my new in-laws had car troubles and every one calls the chick who (seemingly) is not doing anything. I have been hard at work plotting out the middle of this book, and I’ll tell you it’s the hardest task I’ve ever tackled as a writer. Plot usually comes very easy to me, but this time the whole thing is dragging in revealing itself.
Today, I also realized that I am probably going to need a stronger contact prescription. Either I am tired or seeing is hard. So I set about solving the problem by linking my laptop to my 20 inch computer screen. My laptop is more up to date with software so i use it to write. Then I got to thinking. What if I made my laptop my primary computer and used the old Alienware desktop for storage. I am a big fan of dual monitors, so I used the 20 inch as my secondary monitor to the laptop. So instead of writing, I wrecked my writing area and put it back together. I must say I am pleased with the results, and totally ready to get some writing done!

Ta-freakin-da

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Mar 27

This will probably be my most serious post ever

(In my best after school special voice) As an avid reader, and a black woman who was once a black girl and even then an avid reader I was pleased to read The Hunger Games. It’s not 1984 or anything, it’s one of those books like a light snack, you read it, it’s entertaining and you go on with your life. This series stuck out to me because it has a strong female character, Katniss Everdeen who takes care of her family in a dystopian future and goes on to kick ass in a kill or be killed reality show. I was especially pleased with this series because it is ethnically diverse, there are several black characters who play an integral, and noble part in the plot. The author Suzanne Collins is to be commended for including black characters and not turning them into total stereo-types.

Now I know that when I read an author’s description that it is up for interpretation. Katniss Everdeen was described as being olive-skinned. I have an aunt who is olive skinned. When the author describes a character Rue as dark-skinned, I picture someone who is more than likely of African descent. If the casting director for The Hunger Games had cast an Asian girl, or a white girl for the part I would not have gone on angry Twitter and Facebook rants over the fact. SPOILER ALERT: Rue is a young girl who is picked for the Hunger Games. Her character is shy, and innocuous. She helps Katniss and the two form an alliance. As a reader or viewer this is a tense relationship as there can only be one winner of the Hunger Games. Rue is killed and since she reminds Katniss of her younger sister she grieves for Rue.  The actress is cute as a button, and it was sad to see her killed. Apparently for some white fans, they enjoyed seeing poor Rue die because she was black. Some fans went on Twitter and called her a “black bitch” and a “nigger”

That pisses me off to no end. I have students who look like this girl, cousins, hell, one day I may even have a daughter who looks like this. The fact that she will be thought of as those horrible words for no apparent reason other than her skin color just burns my ass.

So my question is, Why are some Hunger Games fans so pissed?

My theory is that since black people are either under-represented in the media or misrepresented, people of other races do not want to sympathize with us. In movies we are the comic-relief, the bug-eyed, wise-cracking clown when everything is serious. When the plane is rocking in ominous turbulence, we are the ones screaming “We gone die.” But then, we gladly sacrifice our lives, one tear falling for dramatic effect to save all the white folks.  Our women are loose, but they can sing.  Our men have an emotional range of pissed off to angry, or they dress in women’s clothes and get angry. We shoot hoops to let off steam or we rap and smoke weed. We rob convenience stores. Our elderly grin and give sage advice to help white kids. We sacrifice for them. Our children are Disney fodder, tokens to diversity the background. White viewers and readers are allowed to be lazy. Their interpretations are never wrong or even questioned.

So back to the book. When I as a black woman don’t see my interpretations realized, I am used to it. I have had to learn to love certain characters from books and movies  by finding different ways to identify with them other than skin color. I love strong female characters. I will see any movie that features a writer as the main character. I love under dogs. Meanwhile it seems certain white people can only identify and sympathize with a character if they are white. Characters of other races are just so much fodder to be killed off, or used as plot points.

I read this awesome blog by Rebekah Weatherspoon  and I enjoyed her sort of affirmation at the end so I am going to write one of my own:

I am black. I grew up in the rural South. Texas. I roasted weenies at night in the back yard, and chased fireflies. My grandmother told me ghost stories. My father is a fan of Western novels, and when I was four he read bits of Lonesome Dove to me and since then i have been in love with the written word. My mother stayed at home with the kids. She taught me how to bake all those Southern goodies. She loves music and yes she can sing, but I missed out on that gift. I have three sisters and one brother. We all have the same mother and father. We lived in a black neighborhood where there are many, many families like us. No one ever got shot in a drive-by. Dudes did not hang out on the corner. Everyone looked out for each other.

I got in trouble in school for drawing pictures on everything. All I wanted to do was read. I would climb the big willow in the back yard and read in the afternoon until the sun went down. I also loved and wanted to help animals. Once I nursed a fledgling hawk. I had a Chow mix named Bear who lived until I was a senior in high school. I started writing novels when I was fifteen years old on a Smith Corona type-writer. My Dad saw my interest and told me about the time he tried to write a western novel. He was my first writing coach. He bought the family a computer and I discovered the internet. I wanted to be like Stephen King and Anne Rice.

I graduated, went to college but I quit going because I wanted to write. I fell in love with a girl and went to live with her on my own. We were together for ten years but we divorced. My favorite movie is Silence of the Lambs and Kill Bill. My favorite books are A Clockwork Orange and Catcher in the Rye, they are by white men about white people. It was very clear that Ardelia Mapp was black.

I have a degree in Graphic Design but I teach art to disadvantaged students. They are just as smart and sweet and noble as the kids from the white schools. They need me and I need them. I like to listen to NPR. My favorite show is Mad Men, I want to boycott it but it is just too awesome. I also like Game of Thrones. I love Tori Amos, not even white people know who she is.

I’m finished with my rant.
Here is the article from Jezebel that got me started:

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Mar 15

I AM GOING TO THE CON!

As in the Golden Crown Literary Society annual convention! I’ve been a member for nearly two years, but this year I am actually going to the con. Insert happy dance here. So, I usually shy away from social events, but what attracts me to the con is the Mentor Program, where published writers and editors read exerts from novice writer’s works-in-progress and give them feed back. This is awesome for me because I have never really had any professional feedback about my writing. Also, the con will have panels and workshops so I am hoping to learn a lot from the trip.

I think this is the most upbeat post I’ve ever published here, so you know I’m excited about it!

Now for the whining part…
I am still not sure how I am going to end Leda and the Swan, and I am starting to hate the title. It does not seem to fit the story. So I am thinking of shortening it to just Leda, or I don’t know. Writing is getting harder in my old age. I have been on spring break this week and spent all my time cleaning and polishing the exert that’s going to the con, which is causing me to rethink some things with the plot, like if there is too much going on in the first three chapters, or if anyone would think my thought crimes are entertaining.

Otherwise…
It’s been a very relaxing spring break. I’ve been hanging with my dogs, my siblings and my hobbit , Jeannette and a few awesome books:
Eats, Shoots, and Leaves by Lynn Truss-It’s teaching me a lot about punctuation
Angel Time by Anne Rice-I’m into her again
Wolf Gift by Anne Rice-I blame Facebook…we’re Facebook friends

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Feb 07

I have no idea how to end this book!

The new novel, Leda was finally starting to fully flesh out. The story is of course always on my mind, and sometimes it feels like the old days when writing was not so difficult. The trouble with this book is that I never took the time to plan out the plot.

I figured that it would come naturally.  I noticed that I did the same thing with my last book, The Gorgon. What I really need to do is take a serious look at the way my writing habits have deteriorated. I’ve become impatient with making plot notes. Once upon a time and at my father’s prompting when I started writing at 15, I made meticulous notes detailing every aspect of the plot. By the time I hit my twenties, I was not finishing novels because I was getting bored halfway through the novel. I decided to ease up on the plotting and kids of let the story write itself. So now, for the first time, I have no idea how a novel is going to end. It’s a strange, unsettling feeling like I’ve painted myself in a corner, or more like I’ve entombed myself while building a brick tower.

This whole situation has got me thinking about where story ideas come from in the first place. In one of my favorite books on the Occult is by Colin Wilson. He cites several anecdotes from creative types about how ideas come in a dream-like, or trance state. Stephen King says that a writer is like a paleontologist, that we search out ideas and painstakingly uncover them piece by piece.

Margaret Atwood (who had a sold out Houston reading…guess who did not find out in time enough to get tickets and was royally pissed) claims to start off with a rough notion of a story which turns out to be wrong. Huh, that sounds familiar.

Neil Gaiman says he makes his up out of his head.

I’m beginning to think it’s like a Frankenstein’s monster process. At least for me anyway. I harvest pieces and parts from dreams, everyday life, current events, those old archetypes, ancient myth, poetry, song lyrics, music videos, and art, then sew them into the codices of my thought crimes…btw, that analogy is copyrighted, so I better not see anyone using it!

To solve my problem of not having an ending, I have been doing research on Babylonian and Sumerian mythology as that is where Leda is supposedly coming from, but she does not fit. Shit. I’m going to have to make up something out of my head, aren’t I?

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Dec 05

Like my writing, this blog is very neglected

I’m making my new years resolution early. Yes, it’s to write more. I got over that middle of the book blues thing, and I am looking forward to writing more. Life is in the way though. I must pass this pedagogy test thing before I can get my full teaching certification, there is also the back drop for the school holiday program, the script and the invites, and my internship projects that must be done so I can get my certification, and the art show for student’s work I have planned for January 11th, and of course, the holidays. Then, there is the everyday stuff like lesson plans, dog walking, cleaning and cooking.

I am always extra busy around this time, so I am not surprised. I still manage to sneak in a few scribbles before bedtime a few times a week and I am very proud of myself for that, thank-you-very-much. The story itself is always at the back of my mind, and I like to muse on it during the course of a day.

As my writing is being severely neglected, so is my little blog. I still pay my $4.95 per month to Go-Daddy allowing it to stay up.  I keep this blog up because I am certain that one day I will have fans who will care to check out the chronicles of my journey. At least, I hope that one day I will have fans curious enough of my thought crimes to come and retrace my steps.

BTW…talk about suffering for art.

Gaga’s video for Marry the Night chronicles how she spiraled after being dropped for her first record label, and her comeback through faith in her talents, and ambition for fame. Check out 6:19 when she says “I am so dirty” that shit gives me chills.

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Oct 02

Middle of the Book Blues

So I have lamented about the post first draft jitters, the beginning of the book doubts, and now we get to the meat of writing a novel: the middle of the book blues.  It never fails to happen to me and I know the reason, I do not plot like I did when I first started off so long ago. I used to write extensive plot outlines chapter by chapter and scene by scene with dialogue. In fact, I would not start writing until I plotted the whole thing. About ten years ago my plot outlines became more bare bones and so with each book, as soon as I get to the middle of the first draft, I  freeze. I guess I get more excited about the premise of a book than what is going to happen at the middle or the end and I just start writing. I always have some idea of what is going to happen at the middle and the end, it’s the how, how to get the characters to through the middle and to the end that gets me muddled.
BTW, while writing this post I damn-near burned down the house boiling eggs for my lunch salad tomorrow! It smells like burnt ass in here.
Anyway, its about this time that I go to the journal for Leda and the Swann, a lovely purple book with gold lettering in the form of Poe’s signature. When I picked it out, I was inspired. Now I don’t want to go near the thing. I’m feeling lazy about working out the plot for this novel.
It’s so very easy to get distracted from writing.
I have forty-five hours of professional development to get done so I can become a certified teacher in Texas. I need to call my auto finance company because I’m a payment behind. The Halloween decorations need hanging. Zoe is fighting yet another ear infection and I need to treat them. It’s 10:36 and I have to wake up at 5:45 in the morning. My house smells like burned eggs. The grading period is over and grades are due. I volunteered to organize the school library.
I did scribble a few pages of notes today, so I’ll have to be satisfied with that.

Here are some pictures of Zoe’s fifth birthday…and I finally put some pictures of Zeus

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Aug 13

a post from my smart phone

Me and my Muse, a play in two lines

ME: I’ll finish the book when I finish the darned book!

MY MUSE: (points the middle finger)

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Jul 05

Cruel Summer

This afternoon, my girlfriend forced me to go see the latest Summer blockbuster Transformers Dark Side of the Moon. Yeah, I rolled my eyes throughout that whole CGI mess, but it was her favorite cartoon in the ’80s, so I can sympathize because if they ever came out with a live action Jem and the Holograms or a My Little Pony movie I would be so there. BTW, I was once a total girl.

So I was sitting there thinking about writing of course, and how the Summer has always been my most productive time of year. Some explosions on screen caught my attention and I decided to figure out which were the bad robots and which the good ones. Then, I realized that I was out of Skittles. I then began to think of what I have accomplished during Summers past, beginning with that fateful one back in 1994 when I was 14 and penned my first novel, Mutations. It was about these young college students who intern with this mad scientist guy named Longfellow who turns himself into a beast. The main character, Jamie, also gets turned into a beast. The plot’s turning point is a beast on beast fight.

I found though that I could not mentally list all of my literary journeys throughout the past seventeen years. And now as I write this I feel super old…oh my God.
Anyway, I will try to list them here for your reading pleasure.

1994- Mutations
1995- True Believers-the main character’s parents work at an Area 51 type of place, and she befriends a group of kids obsessed with unlocking alien conspiracy theories. Together they all end up foiling an alien take over plot.
1996- Moonstone-about a coven of witches who get framed for murder
1997- ?????- a novel about two girls who fall in love in rural Texas, no nothing at all weird happens. My dad bought a computer so I learned the word Processor.
1998- Bloodstone Earth, Amethyst Skies- An ambitious undertaking with many characters and plot movements. A young woman who was immaculately conceived in the desert learns that she is the second coming. This book has those dark occult themes that still show up in my stories today. It had an invisible talking rabbit, mysterious desert missions, monsters, ghosts, etc.
1999-The Amazons of Fletalin Valley- A medieval fantasy about a woman who joins to fight with a society of Amazons. I discovered Sapphic Voices that year and posted the book there as I wrote it.
2000-Jonnie Boy/A Fate of Fire- I decided to write something truly ambitious and grown-up. I was infatuated with Toni Morrison, and also reading about mythologies around the world with gay and lesbian themes. I read a Native American myth about two women who make a baby. I also met Angie around this time and I wanted to write about a character with burn-scars. I came up with Bailey, her lover Felice, and their unexpected pregnancy.
I wrote and rewrote Fate several times but I finally gave up on it as I always do when I come up with a new idea.
2004-Tales of a Librarian- A librarian meets and falls in love with a woman who is involved in an occult street gang of sorts. Another plot to destroy the world is foiled.
2005-Cruel Summer I had always wanted to pull off a multi-character, multi-plot novel so I began this undertaking which took me several years to finish. It takes place in the future in a militaristic society. A general retires from the Marines to police one of the roughest cities in the country. She falls in love with a robot.
I floundered for a few years, I wrote a few short novels for the web like CoolWood and I am famous for revisiting old stories for a revamp. I spent a few years on Cruel Summer, and I had a great time with that book.
In 2009, I began writing Gloaming Hill/ The Gorgon
Which brings us to 2010, when I began scribbling notes for Leda.

So that is my writing time line in a nutshell without my side treks into short-story ville, and dead end novels which I start and never go through with.

It’s summer again, and I have an awesome job where I am off, with pay, which makes it even sweeter. I plan to finish up Leda and the Swann this Summer. My time line has motivated me to be published by 2014, for my 20th Anniversary with my muse.

Below is a scan from a page of Mutations with a note from my Dad, my very first editor. I still make notes to myself that start with Dear Tanai, I thought it was a quirk but it turns out that its just my Dad inside my head.

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Mar 28

Happy Birthday…to my blog

A year ago I was nearly finished with a manuscript called Gloaming Hills, a.k.a, the Gorgon. I decided I would start a web-site and maybe post some of my old stuff there. I felt like I was only inches away from getting published, and I wanted to give my future fans something to peruse after they read my first published novel.
Well those future fans will come further into the future than I thought-if that shit makes sense-because shortly after I started my blog, a whole mess of shit started happening. Angie’s grandmother became ill from leukemia, I did finish that novel, but then Grandma died and Angie started acting like a grade A moron. I got my first job teaching, a new girlfriend, a new roommate, lost said roommate because she was a grade A moron. I lost a good friend. I got a new dog, his name is Zeus.
So I’m teaching art, planning lessons, field trips, learning as I go, fighting the uphill battle of getting little kids to behave themselves, going to staff meetings etc.

I’m beginning to see why I started writing in the first place. The real world is a bitch, and she is kicking my ass. I miss that escape I discovered fifteen years ago when I could retreat into my own world, the rush of getting lost in a story, caught up in that whirlwind that is my creation alone. It sure beats grocery shopping, grooming the dogs, and cleaning the house.

Reality has jaded me immensely, and I regularly fantasize about walking away from it all and going back to my parent’s house, and my old bedroom, setting up shop under the window sill and just writing like I used to do when i was a kid.

In the mean time, I’m snatching at clusters of minutes, and writing when I can. In the meantime, I think I’ll pay the five bucks a month to keep my blog. So maybe some future fan is reading these lost words at last, and understand.

I also promise to stop complaining and start writing about writing again.

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Feb 28

I was Born this Way…full of thought crimes

First, a little piece of magnificence called Born This Way. Songs are always more awesome with a video, and I was not too crazy about this song (it sounds like one of the songs from Angie’s old Gay techno CDs) until I saw this rich mosaic of dancing, glittery unicorns, and Gaga pulling stuff out of her va jay jay. I did miss the gay guys from Alejandro, and Gaga looks like an alien version of Ke$ha.

So its my birthday. Sort of. I was born on February 29th, 1980, leap day, which only comes every four years. In leap years I am 7 but in human years I am 31. The novelty of this shit has finally worn off after three decades, and this year as my unbirthday crept closer, I just felt like meh. Last year, it was a big deal because I turned 30, but this year I decided to sweep it under the rug and pass the day as any other. SO of course, I got lots of Facebook birthday wishes. My mom called me over for the traditional family dinner. All of my siblings called me, even the ex sent me a text, and bestie Gina gave me a call. So much for not making a big deal of things. It’s nice though that people care enough to send me a little Facebook message, and major props to my little Gnomeo who showed me a great time this past weekend.

I actually thought my blog was a year old today, but that is not until next month.

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